Me and the fake lesbian

Me and the painful story

OK pervs are easy to deal with. Completely random people just confuse me...

Me and the gay

I would like to point out that I don't have a problem with gay people. I think gays are lovely. I especially like the really camp men who dress in really, really tight trousers and act like girls. They are funny.

Me and the lazer shooting barbie doll

Attempt 1

Attempt 2

Me and the angry cricket fan

This guy must have anger management issues. I can't understand why. I mean all I did was request that he stop posting shitty cricket adverts on my wall... and told him cricket is played by gays. Some people are just so touchy!

Me and the bloody tale

Me and the bunny rabbit

This guy wasn't great with sarcasm...

But it didn't stop him...

Me and the stranger... again!

Me and sarcasm

Me and the... wait, what's fucq?

Me and the thinker

Me and the Bieber lover

Me and the private love hammer

Me and the stranger

Me and the Bieber vendetta

Me and the retarded magnifying glass

Me and the happy love train

Me and Gonorrhea

This guy just doesn't give up. Either he likes the abuse or he genuinely is that retarded that he is completely unaware that I'm ripping him to shreds. I've even told him what I do but he seems not to understand. Well he is Turkish or Greek so he's probably an inbred fuck head isn't he?!

A couple of weeks later...

Me and the very short conversation

Sometimes it's good to be upfront with people. Don't you think?

Me and the Taner Trilogy

Sometimes people just go on for fucking ages!

Later that day...

Oh no there's more!

Me and the Ice Berg

Me and the missing post

I found this one lurking on my computer. Oh well better late than never...

Me and the surprise cameraman

I even tried warning this guy to look at my photo album... some people are just fucking stupid!

Me and the truth

You could feel the tension building. I could almost hear the hamster wheel in the guy’s head turning as my replies to his sick and perverted messages slowly began to sink in.

The guy was obviously a paedophile. I mean he was over 50 years old, has over 500 friends who are mostly young girls. Admittedly most of those young girls are probably guys pretending to be girls because they are just as sick and twisted as this idiot but that’s beside the point.

Anyway, he started by asking me the usual questions (my age, whether I was single, whether I had a web cam, whether I was wet, whether I wanted to suck his trouser snake blah blah blah). Apparently sarcasm wasn’t his strong point so I took the rather novel approach of asking him questions. I firstly asked whether he had looked at my profile because things like my age, relationship status and the fact that I’m obviously a little bit mental are all clearly visible. Naturally he hadn’t looked. I then asked if he had looked at any of my photos. Oh I got a very emphatic response to the affirmative. He even “liked” and commented on some of them…

Of course he went straight for the profile pictures and missed the one album labelled “A sneak peak at my inbox” which contains all the screenshots from this very blog. Still oblivious, he continued his quest of trying to cyber fuck me and arranging an actual meeting. I kept telling him he probably wanted to look at “all” of my albums before he carried on his relentless pursuit of my girlyhood. Seeming to ignore my advice he continued. I then asked if he wanted to be famous. He said he already was famous in the business world but asked what I meant. I confessed that I actually meant infamous rather than famous and told him out-right that I post conversations with retards on Facebook and then publish blogs about them.

At this point his interest was piqued somewhat. To cut a long story short he asked what I meant. I told him to look at my inbox album which he refused to do. I then asked if he wanted to be in it. Confused, he simply stated he wanted to be “in me”. Ignoring the unintentional wit, I decided to send him the link to my blog.

I think by this stage he started to realise he may have mad a monumental error in messaging me. I could tell he’d started to get more and more suspicious as I slowly started to reveal things to him because his messages became less perverted and more serious. Once he had a quick look at my blog, it finally clicked. He asked if I was going to post his messages and begged me not to. He apologised… a lot!

Because I’m a decent girl, I accepted his apology and promised not to publish the contents of his perverted and sick drivel. To be honest there was far too much of it anyway…

Me and the spasticated man

Me and the time of the month

Sometimes even I get grouchy. Sometimes I’m not in the mood. Sometimes this happens for no other reason than I’m human and have human mood swings. Sometimes it simply happens because I’m a girl and… well… you know!

You may remember this guy from an earlier blog who I confused about my religious beliefs (he thought I was a Muslim because my face was covered in my profile picture and I told him I was a Sith Lord out of Star Wars…) Anyway, after that he started chatting vaguely normally. I mean he was a grumpy old sod who was sadly born without a sense of humour or a personality but he never tried to talk dirty with me so I was happy to chat to him normally (well as normally as I can being insane…)

He started to get a little flirty which was fine. It was sort of how male and female friends act with each other sometimes. I can’t remember what triggered it but he suddenly just turned. As I mentioned, I really wasn’t in the best of moods that day and was also a little taken aback at the sudden change in character of this idiot…

So you see? Even the best of us have our off days...

Me and the Joy Duology

Take 1

Take 2

Me and my appealing body

Me and the medieval tongue looserners

Me and the low resolution

Me and the sawn-off shotgun

Me and the Deluded Fugly Man

I guess the big news in my life is I now have a boyfriend. I know, I know it’s a big thing isn’t it? My first real boyfriend. All of my friends are really happy for me because he’s a really nice and funny guy. He’s also hot!

This has, however, affected one or two of the Facebook retards. Some of the perverts have stopped messaging me since I changed my relationship status. Some have de-friended me. Some have even gone to the trouble of blocking me. I can’t say I’m at all upset by this and it just goes to show they were only after one thing – as if I didn’t already know that.

Some haven’t seemed to notice or, if they have, it hasn’t affected their single-minded desire to cyber-fuck me. One guy in particular is still trying it on and wants to arrange a meeting despite me repeatedly telling him I have a boyfriend. He’s even said that he is committed and wants to marry me. Not only that but he assures me that my new boyfriend is only after sex and will not hang around for long. Yeah right, so what exactly are you after Mister?

Among many other problems – of which there are far too many to write about - he's said he wants to kidnap me, he is about 60, is a granddad and has a daughter who is old enough to be my mum. If that wasn’t enough, he is fuck ugly too.

Verdict: get a grip on reality mate and set your sights on more realistic targets - like a farm animal with low self esteem.


http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000160034887

Me and the Pyromaniac

Me and the philosophical conundrum

Me and the water aerobics instructor

Me and the Raj Trilogy

Part 1: It started quite mundanely with him just being a normal, run of the mill retard who doesn't get sarcasm...

Part 2: He didn't get the hint...

 Part 3: Still going...

Me and the cute puppy

Me and the fun sexy man

This is not the first time this guy has appeared on here...

Me and the red banana

Me and the bib

Me and the off switch

Me and the guessing game

Me and the one track mind

Me and losing my religion