Part 1
Part 2
Monday, 21 January 2013
Thursday, 10 January 2013
Me and the rules of engagement
OK so it works like this: I get a lot of friend requests on Facebook, Aside from a handful of nice people, most of them turn out to be idiots and perverts. I generally accept most people who add me. The exception to this rule is if they have a picture of Justin Bieber or an actual penis as their profile picture, or if their name is spelt in Arab hieroglyphs.
So anyway, the rules are like this. They will usually send me an inbox message saying “Hey sexy” or “Hey babe”. Anyone who introduces themselves to a complete stranger in that manner is obviously a weird pervert and, as such, will get owned.
If they start with something normal like “hello” or “hi”, I usually take a quick glance at their profile. If their profile picture contains either them or some fake homosexual model showing a six pack, or their profile is full of sex pages, they will get owned.
If they seem relatively normal, I usually say hello back. Their next message is inevitably something like “how r u?” or “what r u doing?” Their fate will depend on how they handle my response, because my response is usually something random and innocuous like “I have reached a level of peace that would make Ghandi shit his nappy” or “I am currently creating a black hole for the purpose of sucking Justin Bieber into oblivion”.
It’s quite simple really. If they are a pervert or an inbred moron, they won’t get it because their tiny pee-sized brains are incapable of understanding sarcasm, irony or satire. Their miniscule sexual organ does all their thinking for them so they only know how to respond to words like “pussy” or “fuck off”. These people will get owned.
If they manage to respond with something witty or equally insane and random, then they obviously have something resembling intellect (or insanity) and, as such, qualify for a place in Heatherist society.
So now you know!
So anyway, the rules are like this. They will usually send me an inbox message saying “Hey sexy” or “Hey babe”. Anyone who introduces themselves to a complete stranger in that manner is obviously a weird pervert and, as such, will get owned.
If they start with something normal like “hello” or “hi”, I usually take a quick glance at their profile. If their profile picture contains either them or some fake homosexual model showing a six pack, or their profile is full of sex pages, they will get owned.
If they seem relatively normal, I usually say hello back. Their next message is inevitably something like “how r u?” or “what r u doing?” Their fate will depend on how they handle my response, because my response is usually something random and innocuous like “I have reached a level of peace that would make Ghandi shit his nappy” or “I am currently creating a black hole for the purpose of sucking Justin Bieber into oblivion”.
It’s quite simple really. If they are a pervert or an inbred moron, they won’t get it because their tiny pee-sized brains are incapable of understanding sarcasm, irony or satire. Their miniscule sexual organ does all their thinking for them so they only know how to respond to words like “pussy” or “fuck off”. These people will get owned.
If they manage to respond with something witty or equally insane and random, then they obviously have something resembling intellect (or insanity) and, as such, qualify for a place in Heatherist society.
So now you know!
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