Me and Facebook: September 2011

Monday, 19 September 2011

Me and the Navy Seal

I guess it’s because they are hidden behind a computer and usually several thousand miles away, but men become absolute idiots on the Internet. You see in my experience, most males become shy and nervous around us girls and don’t know what to say. Even when they do say something, it’s usually over-polite or not in a way they would normally speak because they want to make a good impression.

So knowing that their embarrassment will be limited to a few harsh words typed back at them on a keyboard and the knowledge that no one else in the world will be aware of their epic fail (unless they talk to me in which case the entire conversation will be posted on this blog) they suddenly become a lot more confident on Facebook.

I mean, no one has ever walked up to me for the first time and said “hey sexy” or “hey, can I see your private area please?” but these are some of the most common opening lines from Facebook retards.

Recently, some weirdo with a fake name and fake profile picture added me as a friend and then immediately sent me a message asking if I was naked. Now, I have a number of witty responses for this kind of introduction but for some reason I decided to respond in Arabic (courtesy of Google Translate). He then asked if I could speak English, whereby I informed him that I couldn’t chat for much longer because I was in the middle of torturing some infidels and then I was going to blow myself up (I was very bored).

I must have struck a nerve (I think he was American) because he informed me he was, in fact, a Navy Seal and “had more technology in his phone than I could possibly comprehend and this conversation, my location and all my personal details were now being tracked”.

I thanked him (not in Arabic this time), congratulated him on the killing of Osama Bin Laden and asked him to pass on my best regards to Admiral Eric T. Olson and Ray Mabus. He then asked me who they were before de-friending me and blocking me.

Verdict: Awesome technology at your disposal. The “unfriend” button and the “block” button. You freak!