Me and the Good victim

Me and Maverick. And Ice Man. And Goose!

I have to confess that I've told lies before. Everybody tells lies. Sometimes it is necessary in life to lie. More often that not people lie to try and impress you. Sometimes people go a bit too far though…

I had a friend request from a guy called Atul Pandey. A beautiful British name. His opening line was to ask me how old I was. After pointing out that if he did some basic arithmetic he could find that out on my profile, I kindly told him I was 16. I got a suspiciously excited response back where he claimed he was 18. Of course I can do basic arithmetic and the date of birth on his profile would have made him 23. I pointed this out but he claimed he made a mistake. Hmmm not blessed with brain cells this one…

He then went on to inform me he was a fighter pilot with the RAF and flew the Eurofighter. At 18? Pull the other one. I asked where he was stationed and he claimed he was stationed at RAF Essex… Hmmm well you see I live in Essex and I know there aren’t any RAF bases anywhere near me. I quizzed him about this and he claimed he was based at RAF Wethersfield. Oh I see, Wethersfield Air Field where little air cadets go to learn how to fly gliders – you know, those plains with no engines. Oh they also have a dog rescue centre there.

After grilling him for some time, he confessed that he was an air cadet but was being commissioned and was a flying officer or something like that. Yeah of course you are dude!

The subject quickly and inevitably turned to me and my age. He asked if I liked to party, asked if I wanted to go to a party with him and asked if I was a virgin. I smelled a paedophile!

Anyway, the short of it was he tried convincing me to go to a “bachelor party”. When I asked if he meant a stag party (because that’s what we call them in England) he got somewhat confused. I then had to explain to him what a stag party was and that I am neither getting married, friends with anyone who is getting married, or even a man. If I was going to go to one of those parties it would be a Hen Night. He explained by saying it would be like the parties they have in the film “American Pie”. Oh right so you mean a house party, yeah?

Also, this guy had no profile picture which suggests to me that he was either not who he claimed to be or he was damn fugly. Or both! So, a fake name, no profile picture, a liar, a not very good liar, who can’t do simple arithmetic, who doesn’t know the difference between a house party and a stag night, is socially awkward and who only has 30 friends of Facebook, all of whom are pretty young girls.

Verdict: What a catch! Give me your number dude and let’s go on a date!

 http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002795207484

Me and Romantic Rico

Take 1

Take 2

Take 3

Take 4

Me and the text machine

Me and the cat lover

Me and Dick

Me and the birthday wish

So I turned 16 yesterday. That’s quite a milestone. It means I have a bit more freedom in my life and I’m one step closer to being an adult.

Of course being 16 means I am now old enough to legally consent to sexual intercourse if I want. Naturally, this was brought to my attention by a number of perverts on Facebook.

I was actually quite touched (not like that) by the number of wall posts, from people I don’t actually know, wishing me a happy birthday. There were literally hundreds of messages and they were all very sweet.

However, there were a handful of lonely men out there who decided not to wish me a happy birthday on my wall but instead decided to send me a private message via the inbox. This in itself wasn’t a problem. The problem was the “happy birthday” was usually followed by a helpful reminder that I’m now “legal” and then an offer to perform various deviant acts on me.

Hmmm let me think about that for a second. Do I want to lose my virginity to some sad, pathetic, fat, ugly, old, desperate and no doubt dangerous stranger in a public toilet somewhere and then probably get murdered for my troubles, or do I want to wait until I’ve found Mr. Right who is my age, not a paedophile and whom I can potentially have a relationship with?

I am almost an adult after all.

Me and My acnestry