Me and the holy carrot

Part 1

Part 2

Me and the Facebook police

Dear Facebook,

I have had an account for a number of years and my profile has attracted a rather large fan base. This fan base has mostly derived from my "comedy" antics (both on Facebook and my own website).

One of my "comedy" antics is publishing screenshots of my inbox. I get a lot of requests from random men who turn out to be perverts and want "cyber sex". This obviously has no place on Facebook and I have dedicated a lot of time to exposing these people by showing my friends and fans the disgusting messages (with humorous responses from me) and also reporting any sexually explicit or any other inappropriate content I find. I want to help keep Facebook clean!

So I was rather disappointed when I woke up this morning to find my account has been suspended (I am forbidden from posting anything for 24 hours) because some disgusting pervert reported me for posting the contents of our inbox exchange. A photo that apparently violated your terms of use. There was no sexually explicit material in there, no bullying on my part, nothing that I think constitutes violating your rules. He, on the other hand, was trying to coerce me into sending him nude pictures of myself and then using foul language when I refused. In other words, he was both sexually harassing me and verbally abusing me – cyber bullying isn't it?

Given that I am trying to perform a good service by helping to keep these sexual predators off Facebook, I find it unfair that I should be threatened with having my account deleted while this potentially dangerous sexual predator goes unpunished.

The screenshots I have posted in the past never contain anything other than good humour to the thousands of people who are fans of my profile. They certainly don’t contain anything from me that violates anything other than exposing dangerous people who shouldn’t be on Facebook. If you would rather I stop trying to help keep these morons off Facebook please let me know and I will do so. However, I question the logic of banning someone who, as well as entertaining people, is helping to keep Facebook clean whilst not punishing those who are using Facebook for inappropriate behaviour.

I’d be interested to hear your thoughts!

Me and the cat lover

Me and the goat rapist

Part 1. Prick.

Part 2: still a prick

Me and the dirty fruitcake

Part 1

Part 2

Me and the Don

Beg as much as you like Don. Report me to facebook, request they delete these photos. If Facebook deem them inappropriate then I question their moral values!

Me and the Hobb Knob

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Me and the Allaire Witch Project

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Me and the pensioner

Me and the engaged man

Part 1

part 2

Me and the Gyaal

Me and the A hole

I'm sure he's unfriended me and blocked me before after I added him to the album and tagged him in it. I hope he keeps me blocked this time. I also hope he dies of anal syphilis.

Me and the dumb twat

Me and the cyber man

Me and the short conversation

Me and the light snack

Another guy who, after I tagged him in the photo and posted his pervertedness on my blog, insisted I take it down. His appeal was thrown out on the grounds that he is a dangerous pervert and an idiot. Instead here is a link to his profile on Facebook. http://www.facebook.com/michael.maywald.9

Me and the return of gonorrhoea

Part 1. He's back!

Part 2. He's still as retarded as he was before!

Me and Hash

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Me and the verdict

OK so yesterday I posted a couple of snippets of conversation from a guy call JD Morgan. Recently I’ve got to tagging the culprits in the album on Facebook to see what their reaction is. Most of the time they are completely oblivious. The rest of the time they just delete me as a friend and accuse me of being sick, which I find highly ironic. However, JD Morgan chose none of those options. He plumped for option 3. He begged. He begged me to take the post down. He begged like dog at a dinner table.

Being the nice and considerate girl I am, I agreed to think about it. I did think about it. I thought about it for a whole 2 seconds. I decided, no, I’m not going to take the photo off my album. Nor am I going to remove the blog post. Nor am I going to remove the global post I made on a Facebook page. Nor am I going to remove the tweet I made on Twitter that links to this blog.

My reasoning is this. JD Morgan is a pervert. He is a man who prowls Facebook looking for young girls to have cyber sex with. This not only makes him pathetic, it also makes him potentially dangerous. Who’s to say his obsession won’t grow into something more real? Who’s to say he won’t one day prowl beyond the realms of Facebook and pick some random girl off the street? Who’s to say, to keep her quiet, he won’t rape and murder her? If I have the power to stop such an event by destroying the source at its perverted roots then I will.

Also, the guy is plainly stupid. He added me less than a week before and immediately tried coaxing me into weird sex chat. Because I was about to log off and was stressing over my impending first driving lesson, I didn’t have time to rip him to pieces. I instead kindly suggested it might be in his best interest if he had a good look at my profile – i.e. check out my relationship status, website, humorous bio and various inbox-related photo albums - and see if he really wanted to waste his time. I even said “Check out the album titled ‘a sneak peak at my inbox’ and ask yourself if you want to be added to it.” He did none of this. He didn’t even seem to understand a word of what I’d said. He just asked me to get naked. Because I had logged off and didn’t respond, he simply deleted me.

So, when he added me a week later and sent another message starting with “hey sexy”, you would have thought he would have seen the previous messages. Apparently not. I gave him yet more warning that indulging in such chat would end up with him being posted in the album. He chose to ignore it.

Also, despite my full profile only being visible to my friends, the important stuff (relationship status, website address, funny albums and bio) is available for the whole world to see. It would take these perverts less then 1 minute to glance over my timeline and realise I was trouble. If they don’t bother to check– or are just too stupid to understand - they deserve no clemency.

So these are my reasons. I am not removing anything on the grounds that JD Morgan is both a pervert and an idiot and, as such, deserves to be publicly humiliated. Instead, I will post a link to his profile so even more people can see what a sick freak he is.

http://www.facebook.com/jd.morgan.902

Me and captain Morgan

Part 1

Part 2

Me and the flame

Me and the flirty Turk

Part 1

Part 2

Me and Kevin Mark... so far!

Part 1: Dumb

Part 2: Dumber

Me and the persistent prophet

OK so over the last year, this guy has:

1. Tried converting me to Islam 

2. Tried getting me to marry him

3. Tried getting me to live in his cave

4. Asked to come and live with me

5. Asked me for money

6. Asked me to leave my boyfriend

7. Attempted soft core sex chat

Over the course of this year, he has repeatedly been unable to understand sarcasm, satire, irony and even blatant abuse. I have therefore come to the conclusion that he may very well be the most stupid person alive.

Me and Alonso

Poor guy can't even find his own dick.

Me and the Waseem Trilogy

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Me and the gay pie eater

Me and the burning desire

Part 1. Retarded flattery...

Part 2: Burning desire - retard style!

Me and being in a rush to go out

I was literally running out the door OK...

Me and the evidence

Let it not be said that I don't give people fair warning...

Me and the Indian call centre

Me and the Club